


Let down your walls for me

by SwiggityswagdatboiTed



Series: The Flash one-shots [3]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Aftermath, CAN be read as KillerVibe but was not my intention, Caitlin Snow Needs a Hug, Cisco Ramon & Caitlin Snow Friendship, Cisco gives her one, Comatose Barry Allen, Flashbacks, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Past Ronnie Raymond/Caitlin Snow, Pre-Canon, S.T.A.R. Labs Particle Accelerator (Flash TV 2014), overworked Caitlin Snow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:01:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26633284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwiggityswagdatboiTed/pseuds/SwiggityswagdatboiTed
Summary: Back with another one shot based on the prompt:“I know you’re not fine. So stop telling me you are.”Pre-canon.Post- particle accelerator explosion
Relationships: Cisco Ramon & Caitlin Snow
Series: The Flash one-shots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1992400
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Let down your walls for me

**Author's Note:**

> This can be interpreted in a romantic way, but i wrote it with just their friendship in mind.

She was keeping herself busy as she tended to the comatose boy. Just like she did everyday when Cisco stepped into the cortex and looked into the medbay. The scene rarely changed. Dr. Wells nowhere in sight, Caitlin always checking the boy’s-Barry Allen’s- vitals, to show no change, no sign of him waking up any time soon. Most of the time he would have a visitor at his bedside. During those times Caitlin kept her interaction with them as minimal as possible, as she made herself busy with other things, whether it be typing up an article on her laptop, or looking over charts or scans on her tablet.   
  


Today though, she kept away from her workspace when Cisco came in. And he soon realized why. Most of the time, it was usually just one visitor of Barry’s that was here, either his foster father or his childhood friend. Today it was both. It broke his heart to see her from behind, watching the family support each other. He knows she wants that. But with her father dead, her issues with her mother, and since Ronnie passed, she’s isolated herself from his family since the funeral, so Cisco is pretty much all she has.   
  


Cisco took a step towards his friend and placed a hand on her shoulder, snapping her out of the headspace she was in.   
  


“Hey.” He said gently. “How ‘bout you take a small break? Go get some coffee or something? I’ll let you know if he starts crashing again.”

She brushed his hand off. “I’m fine.”

He sighed at this. She’s been saying “I’m fine.” For the past few weeks now, ever since Barry Allen was brought into STARlabs. But she still hasn’t actually dealt with her grief yet. 

“Humor me?” He pleaded, a tentative smile shot her way. “I promise you, if anything changes, I’ll let you know the second it happens.”

She sighed at that and nodded, standing up from her computer chair she took one last glance at the family in the other room, consisting of Barry Allen, and Joe and Iris West, before walking out of the cortex to get a cup of coffee like Cisco had suggested.   
  


Caitlin was exhausted anyway. She rarely went home anymore. And when she did she could only bear to stay for a few hours. All of Ronnie’s stuff was still there and she couldn’t even think about packing any of it up or giving it away without wanting to burst into tears. It hurt so much to be there. Most of the time when she wasn’t at the lab, she was at Cisco’s, or basically anywhere else to occupy her mind.   
  
Once her coffee was ready, she poured it into her usual mug, added what she liked, and leaned against the nearby wall, cradling the cup with both hands. It was all her fault. He wasn’t supposed to be there that night. But she was, Dr. Wells wanted her to be. If she had not persuaded him to come with, or just skipped the event altogether and had a date night with him like he suggested, maybe Ronnie would still be alive.

But she did persuade him to come. Because it was his achievement just as much as it was Hartley’s or Cisco’s, or Dr. Wells’, or any other scientist that worked here at the time. And Ronnie was the lead engineer. That’s why, when Cisco said “we can’t ramp down the accelerator from here, we need to do it manually”, Ronnie jumped at the chance to help. That was the kind of guy he was, even when Caitlin told him not to go. He knew how risky it was, but he also knew that between him and Cisco, he was the only one who could operate the shutdown valve.  
  


She was going in too deep. Her hands were shaking. She didn’t want to think about the loud bang that started it all. Didn’t want to think about how quickly it all went to Hell. Didn’t want to think about the words he said or the last kiss they had, before he took off with Cisco on his heels.   
  


Caitlin didn’t want to think about Cisco’s guilt-ridden look he gave her as she ran into the Accelerator Ring that night, Ronnie nowhere in sight, and the door to the Accelerator sealed off. Cisco telling her that Ronnie was still inside over the sound of the blaring alarms. And saying he couldn’t open it back up, that it was too dangerous. 

She didn’t want to think about any of that. But she couldn’t help it now. It was getting hard to breathe, her shoulders were heaving as tears streamed down her cheeks. In the back of her mind she knew she was having a panic attack, but she couldn’t calm herself down. 

She hadn’t even registered it when she dropped her mug, or when it shattered in the floor at her feet. All she could hear were the alarms, the sound of static and Ronnie’s voice coming alive through the radio Cisco held in his hand. 

How broken Ronnie sounded when he realized that Caitlin was there with Cisco shattered her. She sunk to the floor as the memory continued to play in her head. All he wanted to do was keep her safe. Keep them all safe. He had resigned to his fate-knew that he wasn’t going to make it out alive- and wanted her to keep living _her_ life.   
  
Ronnie’s last words to her kept playing over and over in her head like a broken record.

“Caitlin, whatever happens............”

* * *

“Caitlin..........”

She heard a new voice dejectedly sigh a few feet away. She looked up from where her head was rested in her knees and saw Cisco standing in the doorway. Remorse graced his features. She hates it when he looks at her like that because she doesn’t blame him at all, for what happened that night.   
  


Caitlin stood up, wiping her face and smoothing her pencil skirt, trying to look more presentable.   
  


“Is Barry okay?” She asked her friend, trying to keep attention off of herself.   
  


“He’s stable right now” Cisco replied. “Do you wan-“

“I’m fine.” Caitlin interjected, and she started off back towards the cortex, keeping her eyes straight ahead. She had just made it passed him when Cisco grabbed ahold of her wrist, causing her to whip her head around in surprise. His grip was tight and she couldn’t pull herself free.   
  


“Don’t.” He started, looking at the floor instead of at her. “I know you’re not fine. So stop telling me that you are.” He finally met her eyes, tears threatening to spill from his own. 

“You lost your fiancé, Cait. It hasn’t even been a year since he died and you’re trying to close everyone off. You barely said anything to his parents at his funeral, five weeks ago. And you can barely stand to stay in your apartment for more than two hours. You don’t have to put up this front for me, Caitlin. You don’t have to be strong for everyone. You’re allowed to grieve. You’re allowed to miss him. I know I do.” He trailed off in an unspoken understanding between the two of them.

Cisco let go of Caitlin’s wrist and she immediately latched onto him in a fierce hug. Burying her face in the crook of his neck.

”It hurts so much.” She whispered as the tears started again. Cisco stroked his best friend’s hair and held her close. “I know it does. I know...” he said soothingly.

After a while, the two parted and a comfortable silence fell over the pair. Eventually they made their way back to the cortex to check up on their lone patient and his family. Caitlin quickly jotted down any changes in Barry’s vitals as Iris and Joe silently packed up their things, politely said their goodbyes, and left the building. 

Finally, Dr. Wells made an appearance, seemingly appearing out of nowhere.   
The older scientist told the younger two to go ahead and leave for the day, and he’d monitor Barry’s vitals and call them if necessary.

Caitlin and Cisco thanked their boss, gathered their things, and wordlessly piled into Cisco’s car, both knowing where they were going first.   
  


They arrived at the cemetery in a short amount of time, and got out of Cisco’s car. Caitlin waited patiently for her friend as he made his way to the trunk, opening it and pulling out three beers he kept in a cooler back there. He silently handed one to Caitlin as she passed one of the flowers they’d picked up on the way to him, and made their way to where his headstone stood.   
  


“Hey Ronnie.” Cisco greeted as if nothing was different about the trio. He and Caitlin placed the flowers they got on top of the headstone, placed the third beer in front of it, and sit in the grass so it was in between the two of them.  
  


While they left that one untouched, Cisco and Caitlin cracked open their own beers before toasting their fallen companion and drinking. Caitlin made a face at the taste-something she had never gotten used to even when she and Ronnie were dating.   
  


“Sorry I haven’t come around here in a while, buddy.” Cisco spoke. “It’s been kinda hard for just three of us to maintain the entire building of STARlabs by ourselves. And Dr. Wells recently decided to take on a new project- another casualty of the explosion- poor guy’s been in a coma since that night....”

Cisco looked up from where he’d been talking into his beer bottle, at Caitlin who was staring off into space as she traced the letters on the stone with her finger. Cisco scooted over to her to close the gap between them and binged her with his leg, bringing her back to reality.

”There anything you wanna say to Ronnie?” Cisco asked as he noticed the rain clouds that had begun forming overhead.   
  


Caitlin nodded as Cisco began to collect their stuff and stand up before it started to rain. He offered his hand out to Caitlin to help her up too and she graciously took it. Standing in front of the stone now, she let her free hand rest on top of it, lovingly.   
  


“You were a hero, Ronnie” She said softly, voice thick with emotion. “Many might not know it, but it’s because of you that so many people are still alive. I only wish you could be here to see all the good you’ve done.”   
  


The first few drops of rain fell from the sky, signaling that it was time to go. Cisco tugged on Caitlin’s hand to get her attention.   
“C’mon. I think we need to have a Doctor Who marathon for the rest of the day.” He sent her a playful grin, which got him an eye roll and a smile from her in return.   
  


“You know me so well.” She said semi-sarcastically as they got back into Cisco’s car.   
  


“Yeah. I do.” 


End file.
